How Not to Cook a Turkey

Various Irish whiskies. Picture by Cafeirlandais.

My friend called the other day and said, “ your turkey is always sooo good. I love the way you let the natural flavors come through. I don’t understand why my turkey never tastes so good.”

I asked her how she cooks her turkey. Here’s what she told me –

Step 1: Go buy a turkey
Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey (scotch) OR JD
Step 3: Put turkey in the oven
Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey
Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens
Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink
Step 7: Turn oven the on
Step 8: Take 4 whisks of drinky
Step 9: Turk the bastey
Step 10: Whiskey another bottle of get
Step 11: Stick a turkey in the thermometer
Step 12: Glass yourself a pour of whiskey
Step 13: Bake the whiskey for 4 hours
Step 14: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 15: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 16: Floor the turkey up off of the pick
Step 17: Turk the carvey
Step 18: Get yourself another scottle of botch
Step 19: Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey
Step 20: Bless the saying, pass and eat out

How to have a stress-free Thanksgiving that will blow their socks off

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2 thoughts on “How Not to Cook a Turkey

  1. Dan

    Sounds like a good way to cook to me and if you get everyone to join in then it won’t matter how the turkey turns out now will it? Personally I don’t think I would make it much past step 4 and that’s pathetic considering I’m retired Navy.

  2. Carole Post author

    Now that’s a new perspective! I couldn’t make it past step 4 either. I’d have to leave my guests to finish up.

    Have a great Thanksgiving Dan!

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