Note to Pets

This was contributed by Roxane. I thought you might get a laugh out of it.

Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn’t help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years – canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat’s butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:

(1) They live here. You don’t. 
(2) If you don’t want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That’s why they call it ‘fur’-niture. 
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people. 
(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don’t speak clearly.

 

 

 

 

Remember, having dogs and cats is easier than having kids because they: 
(1) eat less, 
(2) don’t ask for money all the time, 
(3) are easier to train, 
(4) normally come when called, 
(5) never ask to drive the car,
(6) don’t talk back, 
(7) don’t want to wear your clothes, 
(8) don’t have to buy the latest fashions, 
(9) don’t need a gazillion dollars for college and 
(10) 
if they get pregnant, you can sell their children

I hope your week is off to a great start!

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3 thoughts on “Note to Pets

  1. vern

    Hey I found your site while I was, what I call “link surfing”, actually listed on Richard Legg’s sales page. Anyway read though some of your posts and please drop me an e-mail that this site is real.
    I have to say that if this site is that new idea that you mentioned in your note to Richard then Carole you deserve the SUPER COOL award because this is just awsome, From the lay out through the content. Best to you and I will be sending your link to some friends that I know will love this.
    Be reading more soon Thanks V.H.

  2. Billy Tinnes

    hey wats up, i see you got adown to earth blog, way to go bro! I am sure you put in alot of effort into this blog. Im like a content sponge love to read about cool stuff 😉

  3. sugru

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